CFNM Tea Parties
About CFNM Tea Parties
Before the creators of this site originated the term "CFNM", the clothed-female/naked-male protocol for parties had already been used for gatherings called "Tea Parties" and because of their legacy, we have provided this page spotlighting them. Although not specifically identified as a femdom gathering, over time their strong orientation towards the dominance of women have made them attractive to the D/s community (further discussion on BDSM in CFNM gatherings is presented on our FAQs page and elsewhere on this site). Thus, adherence to the Female-First Doctrine is just the first step towards a more structured CFNM gathering wherein the men's deportment and obligations are rigidly controlled.
To this end, CFNM tea parties (a.k.a. CFnm tea parties), typically require a far more disciplined role for the men when interacting with the women as compared to all other CFNM events. Only women are invited as guests. Men are allowed entrance to the tea party solely as servers with specific duties outlined, and, only upon proving to the hostesses they understand the expectations placed upon them for providing those services. As tea servers, the men's appearance, demeanor and conduct must comply with the defined tea serving protocol set forth by the hostess. The men's appearance must be clean evidencing proper hygiene and they must be well groomed. Their dress often includes a bow tie, cuffs, polished shoes and matching dress socks, but otherwise completely nude. The men's naked buttocks and genitals are always on full display during the entire tea party, unless the hostess requires an apron for the times when the men are preparing and serving food.
The parlance of tea service includes terminology with specific meanings. Historically, an "afternoon tea" was a British tradition of sitting down in the afternoon and being served tea and scones whereas a "high-tea" referred to tea served the working class in the evening after work. Although both terms are used with CFnm tea parties to denote a formality of service, tea party devotees typically prefer "afternoon tea", as that term was commonly used in 19th century England to denote the elite standing of the ladies receiving the service. Such tea service follows specific protocol that must be learned, and for this reason, many hostesses of tea parties often require the men to attend a training course they teach. The men are taught many do's and don'ts about providing service and when preparing tea and food. Their duties have them filling roles such as butler, waiter, chef, bartender, masseur, photographer and entertainer. The services they provide may include serving tea and other libations; cooking and preparing hors d'oeuvres; providing dinner service; setting up the venue prior to the event; cleaning before, during and after the party; foot and hand massages, brushing of hair; and if appropriate, entertainment. After providing tea service and cleaning up, the men are dismissed. There is never any sexual contact nor BDSM "play" activities during the tea party, although some tea parties may offer play activities once tea service is over, but such activity is not deemed as being part of the tea party.
The types of ladies that attend tea parties vary. They are often heterosexual, but may be bisexual or lesbian with such leanings being immaterial. Women may be feminists, dominants or of vanilla interests. Their purpose for coming is primarily to enjoy a pleasant afternoon of friendly female conversation, meet other women of similar interest, and be pampered and catered to by completely naked men who are there solely to provide service while never speaking unless spoken to. Women sometimes dress more formally for "high-teas"; however, at no tea party do women ever disrobe or wear anything that would be considered unbecoming to an elegant affair.
The most active CFnm tea parties with the longest history are held through the Northern California Ladies' Tea and Discussion Society. Run by Ms. Domina, the Society's website offers advice and guidance, and, a manual that can be purchased online. On her website, Ms. Domina states:
"The tea servers, of course, will be completely discreet, unobtrusive, and skilled in waiting on the ladies. A boy who draws attention to himself will be ejected. A boy who makes advances to any of the ladies will be ejected. And of course, boys will be ejected for poor service. The ideal tea boy is skilled, quiet, totally respectful and keeps his mind on his duties."
"Women gather and socialize as they might anywhere. The only difference is males are subservient and naked providing service to the guests according to strict protocol and in a rigidly defined structure."
Even for women are not into BDSM with no interest in female domination, our CFNM Village Survey revealed that such women rank an activity wherein the men provide servitude such as that found in CFnm tea parties to be the most appealing of any other activities at a CFNM gathering. This interest helps explain why CFnm tea parties are growing in numbers all over the world. For the women interested in being invited as a guest, or, men interested in serving, we invite you to explore opportunities on our Ongoing CFNM Parties and Events page, or, follow our advice and recommendations on our Organizing & Hosting CFNM Parties page to help you start your own.
The Original CFNM Tea Party That Served as the Prototype for Others
As discussed elsewhere, the genesis of orchestrated tea parties that followed clothed-female/naked male protocol was The Naked Slaveboy Tea Party. Although held before the term "CFNM" was created, it turned out to be the first publicized clothed-female/naked-male gathering. Not surprising, it was orchestrated entirely by women. Also not surprising, the women were renowned feminist authors well-known in the literary circles. The party was held in San Francisco in 1991, and was organized by four avant-garde feminist writers, each having significant literary careers. These hostesses were Amy Wallace, daughter of legendary screenwriter Irving Wallace and author of the noted autobiography "The Sorcerer's Apprentice"; Lisa Palac, who made a literary splash with her candid memoir, "Edge of the Bed"; Susie Bright, editor of the yearly anthology, "Best American Erotica" as well as author of a cornucopia of books on erotica; and Laura Miller, co-founder of Salon Magazine.
The Story Behind the First CFNM Tea Party
If there were a class held on hosting CFNM tea parties, Susie Bright's book Sexual Reality: A Virtual Sex World Reader would be mandatory reading. Within the book is a chapter entitled "Strip Tea" wherein she tells the story of how these women orchestrated the Naked Slaveboy Tea Party. She revisits coming up with the idea, how she advertised for the male servers and the resulting staggering response, and, how she solicited the female guests. Her discussion about how the event turned out and the splendid experience everyone had is inspiring.
Her exploits and challenges were very similar to our own experiences, and are educational as is the solutions she found to resolve some of the obstacles. Susie also has an audio version of the story on audible.com called Stripped Tea: The Naked Slaveboy Tea Party That Started a Movement wherein she embellishes further, even citing me, Brad Thompson, and this website discussing our perspective on her event. It's a delightful and amusing 38 minute story.
The following is a passage from the above book. The entire book may be purchased on Amazon.com.
"One month ago, I received an invitation to attend a salon of women artists. We were offered an occasion to read aloud, sketch, and indulge ourselves in a very proper high tea. Most intriguing of all, the invitation promised we would be served our scones and punch by naked slaveboys who would not speak unless spoken to. The aspect of social nudity was of course titillating, but would ordinary men actually keep their lips buttoned for an approximately five-hour affair? That had to be seen to be believed. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Upon arrival, I was indeed greeted by a nude doorman who took my coat. Alas, he was the only servant in sight, and in the meantime, guests were arriving by the score. What a delightful group of invitees they were, too. If I had been able to get a simple cup of hot Earl Grey, my afternoon would have been complete. But unfortunately, although the company was sublime and the concept impeccable, only two slaveboys were on hand to provide services, and despite their best intentions, I don't think either of them had ever so much as poured a cup of decaf.
I departed with my friend, Laura Miller. We reviewed the afternoon and agreed it had been a wonderful, yet insufficient, experience. Wouldn't it be perfect to have a party like that in a grand mansion, with slaveboys who looked like Greek gods and served like altar boys?
The very next day, she called me. "My friend Amy Wallace, the novelist, has a beautiful home in the Berkeley hill, and she would love to hostess the kind of tea party we have in mind. The living room is absolutely Byronic, and there are even special servants' quarters.
Laura is the book review editor at the San Francisco Weekly, where personal ads of all persuasions abound. She agreed to place an ad for four weeks, but 1 had my doubts about getting much of a response to anything so bizarre. I was more confident that in my Rolodex I would find lots of liberated boys who would love to serve us tea."
Laura's ad in the San Francisco Weekly was as follows:
"Genteel and Bohemian gathering of women writers requires comely slaveboys to serve at our tea party. You will serve nude and will not speak unless spoken to. Standards are high. Food and beverage experience a must. No sex. Please send photo and qualifications to Madam Tea Party."
The women anticipated little response, but to their surprise, were deluged with responses. Interviews of the men were set up, which at the insistence of Lisa, included the men having to be nude during the interview inclusive of their having Polaroids taken (definitely dates the era). Out of the mass of hopefuls six men were selected, including a stockbroker, a real estate agent, and a surfer.
The event was a grand success. Literary women in glittering evening gowns, lacy corsets, tiaras and tuxedos fluttered down the hallways, plucking canapés from silver trays and reading from their works. Susie wrote an article about the fête which appeared on the front page of the San Francisco Chronicle’s Sunday section, illustrated by R-rated photos taken by an eminent San Francisco photographer (who being male was also required to be naked in keeping with the CFNM protocol). Susie’s piece was anthologized in a popular book of her essays, which contributed to the party’s cult fame, and appears on Lisa’s website, where requests to “serve” still pour in.
Naked Slaveboy Tea Party - Invitation for the Ladies
& Amy Wallace
Cordially Invite You to a Small Gathering of Women Writers that is, to say
A Perfectly Delightful Tea Party
on September Seventh, 1991
Starting Promptly at Two O'clock and Ending (regretfully) at Six.
High Tea shall be Served by Comely Naked Slaveboys trained in Respectful Silence, Devoted Obedience and Formal Etiquette.
Expect to be Waited On Hand and Foot.
(Indeed, massage, nail polishing, and hair brushing are all available at your request).
Your contributions of any Lovely Stories, Limericks, Parlour Games or Enlightening Topics for Conversation are eagerly anticipated by your Hostesses.
Do Dress Formally: For example, hats, gloves and dresses -- or on the other hand, a tux -- would all be appropriate.
A photographer will be at your service to provide any momentos of the occasion you may desire.
The invitations were sent to a restricted group of females of the "finest bearing", and included noted artisans and writers. Of the small group invited, the majority, which totaled sixteen women, happily attended.
Results of the Naked Slaveboy Tea Party
These women inadvertently started a fad. Local imitations flowered, followed by parties around the country. The gentlemen waiters pressed them to repeat the event; and they received stacks of letters from local feminists and artists, asking to be invited to the next salon. In her writings of the affair, Susie Bright indicated that all of the guests left with the words that they "had never been to such an elegantly wonderful party in their lives". Although many of the women that attended as well as others that did not have since requested a repeat, the original hostesses deemed it to be a "once-in-a-lifetime" event perfect for its own place in time, but could not be repeated. Regardless, many women around the world have persevered in hosting more CFNM tea parties, and from this author's communications with numerous hostesses, they continue to be thoroughly enjoyed by the women that host and attend them, as evidenced by their growth in numbers.