Frequently Asked Questions About CFNM Parties
This page is dedicated to the questions most often asked about CFNM parties. Questions about CFNM in general, such as its definition, purpose, origins and worldwide growth are responded to on our FAQs page.
Q: What are rules, expectations and protocol at a CFNM party?
A: It is important to recognize that "CFNM" establishes little more than a dress code for a party. Like any other party, CFNM parties vary considerably based upon the interests of those hosting and attending the event, and that is quite a wide range. One of the more popular forms of CFNM parties are the "high-teas" wherein nude men provide tea service, wait on the ladies, assume the role of bartender or butler, or whatever other services are required by the ladies. In these situation, the men do not draw attention to themselves and often only speak when spoken to. Other CFNM gatherings follow the original concept when the acronym was first coined and are designed to meet the prurient needs of the ladies. This involves the ladies' visual and tactile exploration of the naked male flesh surrounding them while also having an element of being serviced and pampered. Then there are the CFNM (or "CFnm") parties that are orchestrated by women that enjoy male domination. But even within CFnm gatherings one will witness a wide variance between the manner in which the ladies establish the subservience of the nude men. Further, the lines that differentiate the type of CFNM event are often blurred whereby elements of different varieties become part of the same event. A more detailed discussion on how these parties evolved and who attends is presented within our FAQs page.
However, there are some common themes that are consistent with all CFNM parties. As discussed on our
a) both genders are consenting adults that have intentionally put themselves in a context or situation that they know will include clothed women and naked men;
b) it is not concomitant to a sexual encounter, that is, sex between the genders is not a purpose for the encounter; and,
c) the exchange is typically more than just an accidental encounter but instead, a prolonged interaction.
Given the above defining concepts, party planners can correctly use the CFNM label when the participants are consenting adults that know in advance that all the women will stay fully clothed while all the men will remain completely naked for the entirety of the event. The term also requires that the party is not a pretext for sexual activity between the men and women. Parties cannot use the CFNM characterization if the men and women have sex, when some of the women are topless or fully nude, or, when only some of the men are nude. The purpose of this important distinction is that if people are using the "CFNM" label incorrectly when describing their event, they are misrepresenting the protocol and rules to potential attendees, and that results not only in disappointment, but also a bastardization of the the term that further confuses its meaning.
The best and often the only way to know what to expect at a CFNM party is to simply ask those planning the event, or those that have attended previous ones with the same group. In the same way one needs to find out if an event they are going to requires formal attire, so should they learn what is on the agenda of the respective CFNM event they plan to attend. And you cannot get these answers from reading websites such as this one or asking general questions from people that have never attended one hosted by those of that are hosting yours. You of course will find a multitude of overly opinionated people unfamiliar with a specific event ready to give you the answers, but those with the most opinions are often the least educated. Communication prior to the event is critical, including discussions about expectations, activities and protocol, as they will certainly vary considerably depending upon the orientation those hosting the event.
For those interested in what a cross-section of the population would want in the way of expectations and protocol, we refer you to our CFNM Village Survey we conducted.
Q: What games and activities will be held?
A: First, read fully the question and answer above as the same applies here. There is no way to ascertain what you may have an opportunity or be required to do at a specific CFNM party unless you first talk to the hostesses and other attendees. Absent specific information, you can only conclude that if you are a female, you will never be required to participate in any sexual activity, nor ever asked or even allowed to remove any clothing. If you are a male, you can expect being obligated to remain completely naked whenever in the presence of the ladies, notwithstanding possibly certain minor clothing accoutrements that may be required such as a bowtie, cuffs or polished shoes.
One woman discussing her anecdotal experiences with a number CFNM parties and the activities she enjoyed is presented in An Interview with Ms. Diane. However, these may be quite different that what is being planned for your specific event.
If you would like to see a comprehensive array of all possible games and activities that folks have experienced at various CFNM or CFnm parties, or, if you are planning an event and are looking for ideas, we encourage you to visit our Party Games and Activities page wherein we identify and discuss numerous party activities recommended by women that have either hosted or attended CFNM parties, or, would like to attend one that features the presented game ideas.
Q: Isn't this just another risque party with the ultimate goal being sex?
A: No. Men and women are strictly prohibited from engaging in sex at all times during CFNM parties. This is not to say relationships don't evolve from our gatherings as they sometimes do (this author once had a monogamous relationship with a woman met because of a CFNM party) . But if two people become attracted to each other and wish to engage in such activities, the must first leave the party before acting upon their attraction.
Q: I'm just a woman that enjoys a little voyeurism, and I love the "Haha - I can see you but you can't see me!" that CFNM provides, but nothing beyond that. Is this for me?
A: Definitely. One of the biggest reasons women enjoy CFNM parties is because they can view the men's "secrets" exposed while concurrently conversing with those naked men, yet always feeling secure within their own comfort zone knowing they will not have to reciprocate with such exposure. They also relish in putting men in an awkward, unfair position as they converse with these men, yet never intending anything to occur beyond that,nor do they have any interest in connecting with during such exchanges, and that inequity is not only obvious, but is openly enjoyed for that reason. In addition, some women simply enjoy being more empowered in a social setting, and no one can deny that when one person is stark naked while the other is not, the one that is clothed is clearly less exposed and vulnerable. CFNM parties cater to women for any and all of these reasons, and others that are set forth in our CFNM Village Survey. But there is another equally as important agenda, and that is for people to simply have a good time and get to know each other no different than it is for any other party. Of course, some people come hoping for a post-party friendship, which is very possible given they typically come from the same general region. Connections between the clothed women and naked men at CFNM parties do sometimes evolve to more intimate connections (which this author can personally attest to!), but they occur outside of the event. Such serendipitous relationships are a happy byproduct, but never the intent for hosting them.
Q: Are CFNM parties hosted just so people can make money?
A: CFNM parties are rarely hosted for profit but instead solely to provide women and men an experience they would otherwise never have in society. However, as with any erotic pursuit that is gaining popularity, over the past decade or two opportunists have hi-jacked and redefined the term "CFNM" to make money, including producers of pornography as well as commercial BDSM dungeons run by professional dominatrices. Legitimate CFNM parties often charge a "donation" to fray costs, which are incurred by the hostesses for venue rental, catering and food, beverages, furniture, decorations, party equipment, invitations and other related costs. These donations may also be disproportionate to the men, but is necessary to maintain a balanced gender ratio. A good rule of thumb is that if the donation exceeds, say, $50 on average for an event, someone is hosting it to make money. This author takes no issue with people earning a profit, but only when they fully disclose those motivations. Otherwise, those paying the fee and attending will not know the true motivation behind why it is being hosted as well as why certain people are attending, which could possibly affect their decision to attend.
Q: If female empowerment is a goal, aren't these parties really just female domination/BDSM play?
A: No. Female domination and/or BDSM are often referred to as fetishes or paraphilias that involve erotic play intended to subjugate the male through control, humiliation and/or pain. None of these concepts are part of the definition of CFNM, and were not part of its original usage at parties and events when originally created.
With this said, a CFNM dress protocol can be very favorable to certain BDSM activities, particularly those that involve female domination. CFNM uses clothing, or lack thereof, to elevate the standing of the women in a CFNM gathering, which also can serve an identical and very appropriate purpose in female domination play. In addition, many dominant females have indicated interest in attending CFNM parties solely because of the natural exchange of power CFNM conveys. For this reason, many in the BDSM femdom world have adopted CFNM as their own child, and because they have such a large active community, female domination parties characterized as "CFNM parties" have become common throughout the world. And frankly, this author - and founder of the term "CFNM" - is both honored and happy so many women and men have enjoyed it so much to where it has migrated around the globe, even though their meaning for the term does not match the original concept.
For those into the female domination fetish, CFNM is often referred to as "CFnm", which emulates the "D/s" label, a contraction of the "Dominant/submissive" title that emphasizes the female's dominant roll with a capitalized letter while the male's submissive standing is a lowercase letter. Although CFnm is markedly different from traditional CFNM in many aspects, there can be overlap to where this differentiation is blurred. The original purpose of orchestrated CFNM gatherings was to satiate the prurient interests of women to view and unabashedly explore and enjoy male nudity. CFnm is about subjugation of men by dominant women, and the CFNM dress protocol is a means of power exchange to enhance such subjugation. The overlap can happen when those women attending the event have both prurient interests in the naked bodies of their "subbies" while also enjoying the subjugation of the men. This demonstrates that the variance in purpose and intent behind differing CFNM gatherings can be viewed as a continuum wherein on one end it is a voyeuristic and sexual attraction to male nudity whereas on the opposite end it is about domination and subservience. CFNM parties can fall anywhere on the continuum between these completely differing purposes.
In conclusion, the female domination variety of CFNM (i.e. "CFnm") should be viewed as a subset category of the broader all-encompassing concept known as CFNM. In fact, our CFNM Village Survey showed that of those females interested in CFNM, female domination/BDSM was an interest for just minority of them. For those that use a CFNM protocol for their BDSM, femdom (D/s) and/or S&M activities, it is perfectly appropriate to identify their gathering as a "CFNM" event, but, it is both incorrect and ill-informed to state the reverse, and that is, CFNM is a form BDSM/femdom erotica as fact and history state otherwise.
Q: How many guests will come, and what is the female-male ratio?
A: Each CFNM party is different. The amount of guests coming depends on the goal of the party planners, the size of venue and how well orchestrated the announcements and guest solicitations have been. Some CFNM gatherings are just a small handful of people whereas others we have have witnessed have as many 60 women and men in attendance. We have learned that a CFNM party with more women than men allows first-time female guests to feel more at ease, but is a very hard goal to hit. After a few parties and the word gets out, and the number of male RSVPs begin to exceed the number of female RSVPs. For this reason, the number of attendees should be capped such that the gender ratio is more balanced.
Q: How are men selected and how can I get on that list?
A: Most women experienced with hosting CFNM gatherings have a screening process. Men that respond with interest to an opportunity must be vetted by the women, which sometimes includes an in-person interview with the hostesses. Even if you have reached out met one of the hostesses, it does not assure you'll get on the list.
Most part planners use, or, organize the event through a some form of social media network. Regardless of whether it is a dating site, Facebook, Fetlife or some form of web-based classifieds, all men will need a profile page. The page should include enough information about you for the planners to want to meet. But about 80% of such profiles automatically rule out the interested guys. This is because most show headless profile photos with the man holding his calling card, too little information and/or statements revealing a desire to race straight for the sexual mission they're on. Women have constantly told men they hate these profiles, yet men don't listen. For the men that do not fit this profile, you're ahead of the pack!
Men's profiles should show themselves clothed, smiling and with their faces revealed. They should reveal themselves engaged in normal activities, say biking or rock climbing. Your interests should show you enjoy your friends, dining, and, that you are capable of serving the ladies without expectation of sex. Our CFNM Village Survey evidences that women coming to CFNM gatherings rank men that are friendly, kind, intelligent and engaging over men that have other physical characteristic; and thats how you should present yourself. If your profile is on a site that allows more erotic profiles, nude photos are acceptable, but use discretion. They should be artful and sexy and never, I repeat NEVER, be just galleries of close-ups of your erect cock. Such in-your-face photos may make YOU aroused by posting them, but women HATE them, and you end up coming across desperate, lonely and very undesirable for one of these events. But if you're still confused, here's a scientific diagram:
When in the presence of the women hosting or attending the event, attention to hygiene is also crucial. I'm constantly shocked by women that report numerous guys that don't practice basic hygiene. It's simple guys, before meeting these women get a haircut if needed, take a bath, brush your teeth, use deodorant and cologne should be used sparingly - otherwise it appears your masking something unappealing. When at the event, every time you can bring a genuine smile to a face, you've scored the points necessary to assure you get invited back. If you're arrogant about your looks or try to present yourself as sex candy, you'll cross many of the women wrong and won't get that invitation. Remember, our number one draw for women to CFNM events is to be catered to, served and pampered. If you prove to them that is your goal - as opposed to satiating some erotic fantasy you have - you'll probably get on the list.
Q: Our CFNM parties are turning into just a bunch of guys. Do women really enjoy them, or are we just fooling ourselves?
A: Question: good one; Answer: No, you're not fooling yourselves. Such an imbalance means you are not following the E + P + E = Success! forumla. That is, Education plus Presentation plus Effort results in a Successfully Balanced CFNM party. How to accomplish this is beyond the scope of this FAQ page; however, we have a page dedicated to the 12 Steps to a Successful CFNM Party on our Organizing and Hosting CFNM PartiesFAQs page page. But in essence, if women aren't showing, the party is being presented in a way that is oriented to what the men want, not the ladies and/you aren't putting in the effort and/or you're not reaching out properly to the right audience. But our web page dedicated to the process should help guide you.
Q: I have a small penis and am not sure the women would want me there - should I apply anyway?
A: Absolutely. We have never observed women selecting men to attend based upon penis size. First, penis size is usually more of a focus by men than it is by women. Second, women are more interested in what's attached to your penis and what lies between your ears. A man with a small dick but wonderful attitude will always win out over an overly endowed man with an arrogant and presumptuous attitude. Further, many women come to enjoy viewing the array of differences in all the attributes of the various men's nude bodies, including the sizes and shapes of their penises and balls. So if your size is inconsistent with the other men, you should view it as an opportunity to add pleasure to the ladies' viewing experience by giving them an additional yet different sampling of male genitalia to view. And you should know by now, it's the pleasure of the women that is always most important.
Some women do sometimes comment about a man's lack of size in a way that draws attention to it, but this is uncommon and is generally because of the misogynistic society wherein men are constantly openly rating women by breast size, or other physical attributes. It gives them a way to reverse the table, which is the whole purpose of CFNM, which gives the man involved the opportunity to rise above it by smiling and not taking offense. However, it should be noted that within the subset of CFNM parties that are femdom oriented (CFnm), wherein subjugation and humiliation of the men may be on the agenda. If a gathering you're attending has such an orientation, it may indeed include what's referred to as small penis humiliation (SPH) wherein the women call attention to a man's lack of endowment and openly humiliate and laugh at him about it in front of the other women. But their ridicule is all part of the domination game, and is usually enjoyed as much by the submissive man being humiliated as the dominant woman emasculating him. It should also be noted that this type of humiliation activity is somewhat uncommon and as it is an interest of a just a minority of CFNM enthusiasts.
Q: How are women invited, and how do I get on the list?
A: Because it is harder to attract enough women to maintain a balanced ratio, women have an easier time getting on the RSVP list. In general, all women are invited regardless of appearances, age, race, origins or sexual orientation. The only limitation would be a capacity cap due to the size of the venue.
Q: I'm female, but am not a "Barbie" type. Will I be in the minority?
A: Absolutely not. CFNM events are about empowering women and making them feel good about themselves, NOT to provide eye candy for the men attending. The goal of all CFNM gatherings should be the celebration of being female without judgment or concern about body image. For those CFNM parties with a prurient orientation, CFNM is also about casting out antiquated societal attitudes about female voyeurism in a way that acknowledges it as a very healthy and highly appropriate activity women can openly enjoy and share together. CFNM is for a woman because she is female, not because of what she looks like. The best CFNM events have a cross-section of the female population including all ages, body types, races, orientation, ethnicity and economic standing. Further, because women are never to disrobe or expose themselves, they typically wear clothing that makes them feel attractive yet something they'd wear in public.
Q: Although it is not required for women to undress, is female nudity permissible?
A: Sorry, even for female nudists, the answer is unequivocally NO. To be characterized as a CFNM party, all women must remain fully clothed meaning they must maintain modest covering of both their tops and bottoms during the entire event. In addition, all men attending must acknowledge before attending that they have no expectations of ever seeing any female nudity whatsoever at any time during the event. All men must accept the fact that for most men attending, despite their being required to allow all women present see them in their full glory, they will never have an opportunity to see any of those women nude or even topless at any time before, during or even after the party. It is only accepting this premise that the men can truly understand that CFNM is never about their having that opportunity, but instead, preserving that opportunity solely for the women - and that's what makes CFNM so unique, so different.
Requiring full clothing for all women at all times is a common position held by the majority of women as evidenced in our CFNMCFNM Village Survey. The reasons the women want this policy of mandatory full clothing for all women are as follows: First, if women also got nude, it would change the atmosphere potentially provoking sexual play between participants, which would not only be to their disliking, but also violates the definition and purpose of CFNM. Second, many women come with the understanding they will not be required to undress; thus, if others do, they may feel at a disadvantage, particularly if the women feel insecure about their body image. Third, couples often come and some wives have indicated they would feel uneasy watching their nude husbands mingle with other nude women while they remained clothed. And fourth, women want to preserve the very unique dynamic of CFNM, which is an intentional inequitable imbalance between genders with the men at a disadvantage while women are empowered, and maintaining full clothing for all women preserves this overt and exciting power exchange.
Q: What should ladies wear to the party?
A: CFNM parties vary insofar as dress the women wear, and it's best to check with the planners in advance. Some parties are theme-based and may require costumes or theme-specific clothing. Some CFnm events, such as "high teas", may require the women to wear more formal Victoria Era dress with the men being required to wear white gloves, polished shoes and black socks and a bow-tie, but otherwise fully nude. Sometimes, dressing sexy is encouraged, although casual and comfortable dress is the norm. You will need to dress comfortably if the event is held outdoors, which may mean a sun dress, pants or even a swim suit if there is a pool or hot tub. If a change in dress is needed for the women, their modesty is always protected with private female-only dressing areas. Unless specific instructions are given as to how the women are to dress, women should dress as they typically word for a normal (vanilla) social gathering at the same venue absent any consideration of the opposite strict requirement imposed on the men.
Q: I'm a male, and would come if I could wear a g-string, or alternatively, a jock strap or cock pouch that covers my genitals.. they're still very revealing. Would wearing these be acceptable?
A: No. CFNM means "clothed-female/NAKED-male". 90% of the women in our CFNM Village Survey indicated that they would want the men to be completely nude and remain that way at all times. And in accordance with our Female-First Doctrine, the women make such rules - so to be obviously clear on this with no misunderstanding - all men must remove all clothing with their penises, balls and naked butts completely uncovered and in full view of all women at all times during the event. With this said, there are some CFNM events where the ladies have the men conduct a striptease show at the beginning of the party, play games that result in all the men being nude, or, have the men put on a fetish fashion show demonstrating the use of chastity devices, cock rings and the like. However, if and when this type of activity occurs at a CFNM event, it is only temporary and immediately afterward all men must remove all clothing and return to a state of complete nakedness for the remainder of the event.
Of course, in the world of of eroticism and fetishes, one finds all types of gatherings with varying apparel worn by their participants. Some have similar themes of female empowerment with partial nudity of some of the men. We're happy consenting adults enjoy such gatherings and although perfectly appropriate for them, they are not to be called "CFNM parties" as they do not meet the definition. Again, the reason we make this important distinction is that in using the label "CFNM" inappropriately, they are sending incorrect, wrong signals to those that may want to attend.
Q: As a guy, I don't like these policies - wouldn't it be more fair for both genders be nude?
A: You are absolutely correct in that it is unfair. But the unfairness of it in is what makes CFNM exciting for many men, and enjoyable by women who's own interests have been unmet by society for centuries. It turns the tables on the societal norm wherein it is the women that are expected to be naked for the viewing pleasure of men. It is the implicit double-standard that creates a gender imbalance, and the very inequity of it that makes CFNM parties so wonderfully unique. And not only does CFNM acknowledge this "unfairness", but strives to enhance and celebrate it. For the men that have trouble accepting this key aspect of CFNM events, we invite you to go enjoy other events of a different theme. And if that is you, we recommend not applying to attend a CFNM event as you will be both disappointed and frustrated, and those hosting the event will have to deal with your discontent. And you won't be missed as there is always an abundance of men that will happily accept the double-standard CFNM presents as a positive thing.
Q: Can I bring some girlfriends? Alternatively, can I bring my boyfriend/husband/male roommate?
A: Before bringing any guest, it is important you first check with those hosting the event. For those parties of which this author was involved, we typically made an effort to encourage all women to bring their friends as it often made them feel more comfortable, and thus more liable to attend. Any friends that accompany guests must understand and agree to the rules for the particular event. We also strongly encourage your friends spend time on this website to understand the concept CFNM and protocol. If the friend is male, he too will be required to first be vetted by the hostesses, and, remain fully nude during the event while following all protocol for men. With this said, we caution against "dragging" any of your friends to a CFNM gathering solely because someone needs their company and support. If you have a friend that does not enjoy the concept of CFNM, he/she may make the experience also unpleasant for you as well as others attending.
Couples often make the best attendees at CFNM gatherings. They are usual comfortable and make others feel welcome. But it is important that any couple coming must be secure in their relationship and not be prone to jealousy. Women must be comfortable with their nude significant other being the object of other women's interest while men must be comfortable with their female counterpart potentially showing interest in other naked men. But our experience is that couples typically have the best time at our CFNM gatherings as they enjoy themselves to their fullest while knowing they will leave the event together.
Q: I understand why a woman would enjoy a CFNM party, but why would men enjoy it?
A: The reasons men enjoy attending CFNM events vary and depend upon each man attending. Men give many reasons with one of the most common being that the exposure and naked vulnerability to the "fairer gender" is intoxicatingly exciting if not erotic. These men indicate that walking about stark naked around a group of clothed women, many of whom they've just met, is an electric sensation comparable to being doused with bucket of cold water. Another reason is that some men are exhibitionist - in a positive way - and feel charged when a clothed woman glances down to observe their exposed body parts, which are normally kept secret to the world. Other men find that when a female studies their naked bodies with admiration, it is a validation of their desirability so they hope that attending a CFNM gathering would provide such affirmation. And as discussed above, many men enjoy being subjugated and subservient to dominant women, and CFNM, or more appropriately, CFnm, gives them that opportunity.
Ultimately, the key reason this author likes to focus upon is that in my experience, when men present themselves vulnerable and in all their naked glory, and do so in a respectful manner that places the women's interest and needs above theirs - which may include providing them services such as food or drink, foot massages or participating in activities designed to please the women - the result is a splendidly harmonious connection between the genders. The women are delighted and thoroughly enjoy the men's efforts to please them, and the men benefit from the exchange by gaining the knowledge that they have brought pleasure to the women, which should be the ultimate goal of any CFNM gathering. And in my experience, when both women and men experience CFNM at this level, it is common that friendships are created that extend past the specific party where attendees meet.
Q: What are the women's expectations of the men attending, and will I be required to do things I don't want to?
A: This is an important question, and one that can only be answered by those hosting the event. If you've never been to a CFNM gathering, it is important to get to know the hostesses and learn what may be expected of you. It is also good to connect with others that have attended past gatherings and learn from them. No one attending a CFNM gathering should ever experience a situation that is nonconsensual.
If prospective attendees learn of activities that will be hosted that are outside of their comfort levels, they should communicate their concerns to the planners. If the services, games or activities are not subject to alteration, then the prospective attendees should decide to either attend anyway, or, simply not go. But if a man knows there will be certain expectations of him at the event and despite his reservations he goes anyway, he becomes obligated to participate and/or conduct himself in whatever manner that satisfies the expectations of the ladies. In other words, his going requires him to buck up and make the ladies happy, and to do so without objection or complaint. He should remember that though uncomfortable with the requirement, he has been given an opportunity to prove to the women that he fully embraces the Female-First Doctrine, and his sole reward for such compliance is his knowing that he has brought them amusement or pleasure. As many experienced with these events will tell you, men that evidence such respect and service despite their obvious discomfort tend to rise in the rankings on the list for the next party invitations.
Q: Will the guys be getting erections?
A: As discussed above, it is first important to differentiate between the different types of CFNM/CFnm gatherings. In a female-domination CFnm gatherings, or even more so, the subdued CFnm tea parties, men sporting erections are not an attraction to the dominant women, and therefore, erections are commonplace, although some report it still happens. In such settings, when they happen, attention is not given them.
Alternatively, in CFNM gatherings with a higher level of interaction and activities between genders, erections are quite common and can be expected. The latter version, CFNM parties, are more erection-friendly, which often provides both fun and visual enjoyment for the ladies. In fact, the majority of women that responded to our CFNM Village Survey indicated that being able to see the men get erections would be a good reason for attending. So for men that are uneasy and possibly homophobic about being around other nude men with erections, they should either check their ill-founded issues at the door, or not come. And for those men that fear being embarrassed about it, no worries - the ladies will at the very least forgive you, and if our survey is reflective of all women attending, being able to see your erection will be a delightful reward for their coming to the party.
Q: I enjoy flirting with and sexually taunting guys. How do you feel about prick teasing women like me?
A: First, again mention that certain CFnm tea parties intentionally marginalize the presence of the nude men while subjugating them to no more than service providers. For these and certain other CFnm parties, hostesses might view such flirting as crass and inconsistent with the party's theme. However, at other CFNM parties including those this author has experienced, women that enjoy teasing the men are universally appreciated by everyone and view such flirtatious teasing as a great contribution to the fun atmosphere . Ordinarily, a woman is prevented from seeing the affect of her prick teasing techniques; however, at a CFNM party the men cannot hide their responses from others and prick teasing a man can be a fun way for a woman to torment him into sporting an uncontrolled and embarrassing erection for all the other ladies to see while evidencing her success. At most CFNM gatherings, flirting with men in such a way is not only acceptable, but sometimes can be a theme for games and activities such a prick teasing contests where the goal of the ladies is to compete in making the men erect without ever touching their private areas. Some fellows may feel that women intentionally giving them the case of "blue balls" just to leave them at the height of their arousal is not fair play; however, we must invoke the First-First Doctrine here, and those men should be reminded that they should be appreciative of her given him such attention, even if short-lived as she turns away after her victory towards another male conquest - and he should view the presentation of his erection to her as his way of thanking her for the limited attention she gave him as well as complimenting her on her cunning prick teasing ability. It turns it from the ladies laughing at him to his laughing with them...a win-win for all.
Q: When aroused, I sometimes, well...drip, what should I do about it?
A: This is not an unusual question. Generally, no one that owns the venue where the event is held will want a man's fluid on their floor. Many hostesses require the men to also bring a towel with them to be used when sitting on their furniture. When men begin to drip, they often don't know it so it is advisable to stay attentive to your state of mind, and state of physical presence. Just as it would be if you had, say, sauce dripping down your chin at a friends dinner party, you would hope to dispense of the indiscretion with a napkin before anyone notices, and if someone does, you would be appreciative of their quietly notifying you of it. In addition, if men wish to mitigate the humiliation they might experience, they should realize that certain women such as the one that asked the question immediately above about prick teasing, see such dripping as evidence of their teasing abilities, and are gleeful upon seeing it. Indeed, at one event this author attended, after a woman had been clearly prick teasing a man by looking at his cock while positioning her hands close to it, laughingly she had him turn to a group of ladies who all joined her in laughter. He did not know it, but his semen was dripping in a long strand from the tip of his erect penis to the floor. He was clearly mortified about it as he froze with his face turning crimson red in embarrassment! However, other women, particularly if its the hostess that owns the venue, might not be so amused.
However, there's a way this can be dealt with in advance. Men have what's called a "refractory period", which is the time necessary between when they can physically ejaculate, and increases with age. If you are prone to this issue (no pun intended), you should masturbate and ejaculate immediately prior to the event. Although this may preclude you from participating in certain more "edgy" party games planned, you'll at least be able to minimize the potentiality of such an embarrassing display in front of the ladies.
Q: Can I touch the naked men?
A: Society has taught us that women should never be aggressive in displaying their interest in a man's body. CFNM seeks to reverse such limits on women. Parties often provide that any woman, without having to first get consent from the a men, are free to to explore the body of any man in whatever manner she desires, including grabbing, touching, groping pinching, squeezing, holding, stroking or caressing whatever part of the man she wants, and for as long as she wants, provided it does not become too uncomfortable for the respective man. When CFNM parties follow this convention, and most do, touching becomes commonplace, and that usually results in the men uncontrollably sporting erections. But that is to be expected and is all part of the ladies' fun.
An exception to this are those CFnm parties that are oriented to female domination, particularly those that are aimed at subjugating and degrading the man. Such physical interest in a man might be deemed as a glorification of his body, which could be inconsistent with the intent to humiliate. Also, CFnm tea parties often require the men to simply be present and provide polite and quiet servitude absent any interest paid the men's nudity by the women. In these type of events, it is not that women are not allowed to touch the men; rather, it is the intended purpose of that gathering that negates such interest being expressed by the women.
However, it is strictly against the rules of a CFNM party for any man to touch any woman on any part of her body that could be deemed a sexual contact, regardless of whether he first gets permission. Men are required to always demonstrate the utmost respect for the women limiting their physical contact with the women to a manner that would otherwise be deemed appropriate in any public venue. Further, men are never allowed to present any part of their body to a woman without her first indicating an interest for him to do so.
So as it is with any CFNM party, it is best to discuss the event with the planners and other guests that have attended in the past before having any expectations.
Q: Do men ever pleasure themselves for the ladies to watch?
A: The answer to this varies depending upon the event. Many women into female domination, and, especially those that host tea parties, view such acts as being undesirable and inconsistent with their expected deportment of the men. This again illustrates a very important reason to have the hostesses discuss such matters in advance of the event so that expectations can be understood and met. Our advice is that whenever there is an inconsistency between varying opinions in such matters, it's always best to err on the side that assures all women will be comfortable, even if others feel the party is losing some of its spice. Also, for women that have never attended a gathering wherein they'll be surrounded by naked men, they are often reticent about such activities, particularly if they do not know others that will be attending.
However, in our CFNM Village Survey a majority of women did indicate that they would enjoy watching at lease some of the men masturbate. Of these, a large percentage would even want the requirement of men to masturbate as part of the scheduled agenda. Further, man of the games features, such as "ring toss" or size measurement activities necessarily require the men to masturbate to obtain an erection for the activity.
In our survey, the reasons why women would want to witness the men masturbating varied. A number of the women commented that they had never had an opportunity to watch a fully nude man masturbate in person (as opposed to porn videos) and felt it would be both educational and fun to observe a number of the men doing it simultaneously. Other women recognized that many men are shy about it and found it hard to even admit they do it let alone doing it in front of someone else, and was a very private thing they would find uncomfortable if not extremely embarrassing to do in front of numerous women, many of whom they had just met. Interestingly, that very aspect of it was why some women thought having the men do it despite the men's reservations allowed the women to enjoy power and control over the men, which is a fundamental purpose of CFNM. When planning her first CFNM party, as she sought my advice and we discussed having the men "jack off" for the ladies, she felt it was an excellent addition as she said "Don't deny it - all guys do it, we know it - having them do so the ladies can watch will prove it to us!" In keeping with the CFNM mission of making the men vulnerable and exposed through their nudity, many women view that having the men also masturbate and revealing their "private secret" enhances that vulnerability by making them naked not only naked physically, but psychologically as well. Enhancing the dichotomy of imbalance can improve the CFNM experience in an exciting and positive way for the ladies, and can thus be a proper and perfectly appropriate activity on the agenda at CFNM parties.
Another application of having the men self-gratify themselves is that during certain CFnm female domination gatherings, the women like to "edge" the men, also referred to as "teasing and denial". These concepts describe an activity of tormenting the men by teasing them while encouraging them to masturbate, yet denying their ability to climax by either forcefully pulling their hands away immediately prior to ejaculation, or, under the threat of some form of punishment if they do.
So as you can see, it is a long answer to a simple question given the variance of between participants and party types. It is equally important for not only the women, but also the men to communicate with the women planning the event to determine if the party will include such activities that are too edgy for their comfort. As noted before, if this activity is to be desired by the women hosting or in attendance, and, if it is communicated in advance to the men attending that such an activity will occur, the men must make the decision to either attend and participate as required, or, not come at all (no pun intended).
Ultimately, the decision should always be made of the women as to whether this will occur. If they collectively want such an activity to be performed by the men, doing so is perfectly appropriate as a legitimate CFNM party activity, and can provide wonderful entertainment for the ladies.
Q: Will I have an opportunity to take some photos/video of the participants during the party?
A: The privacy of all members must be respected at all times, not only during the event but before and after as well. Photography is off limits to most areas of the even, and at no time shall anyone be photographed without their knowledge and permission. All cameras and cell phones should remain in cases, purses, bags, etc., to assure no photography can occur inconspicuously. However, our CFNM Village Survey indicated that many women would want to bring cameras and take photos of the men for mementos and to share with friends. And interestingly enough, some men also want to have their photos taken with some of the ladies. Because of this, and, in accordance with the Female-First Doctrine, CFNM planners sometimes set aside a secluded designated area whereby photography is allowed between willing participants. Photography in these areas are sometimes limited to certain hours or by announcement only. An added option is having theatrical (Venetian) masks on hand for the men and women wanting to be photographed while also wanting to hide their identities. Should such photo ops be allowed, all guests being photographed must grant permission in advance, and the photos cannot be allowed to reveal any part of the venue not designated for photography. Again, any rules pertaining to photography should always be presented to all attending prior to the event.
Q: I really want to attend a CFNM party, how do I find one in my area?
A: CFNM is still in its infancy and although it is gaining momentum around the globe, when compared to other erotic pursuits it is still a relatively new concept. Most people don't know what it is, and for those that use Internet search engines to learn more, they find hundreds of links to pornography productions that claim to be "CFNM", and thus get the wrong impression it is about groups of women providing sexual services to nude men. This has unfortunately hurt the growth and acceptance of CFNM as a viable form of erotic enjoyment as it confuses and misrepresents what it is, particularly for women because CFNM porn is geared to only satiate men's fantasies, not to address the needs and interests of women. It is for this reason you'll probably have a hard time finding one in your area.
But there is a strong current of interested enthusiasts that is changing that trend as more and more CFNM parties are finding a footing around the world. There are a few Internet bulletin boards and social forums wherein one can find CFNM parties listed, the most noted being Fetlife, which is discussed and listed on our References and Links page. In addition, it is our long-term goal to have this website become an active community for people attending and orchestrating CFNM parties, inclusive of an exclusive discussion forum just for active party-goers. As this evolves, we will post ongoing CFNM parties on our CFNM Parties and Events Page.
So the short answer to this question, and is the one this author had to discover, is that CFNM parties occur where you make them occur. If a man or woman has enough desire and are inspired, they can create their own parties. The best thing about finding a group of like-minded people and making it happen is that you can control the process guiding it towards your own vision. And that takes work and effort. The alternative is to do nothing hoping someone else will do all the front-end heavy lifting so you can benefit from their efforts by simply showing up (good luck with that ever happening!).
Q: I've looked and there are no CFNM parties in my area, so I'm committed to starting one. What should I do? Where should I host one?
A: Hooray for you!! Because there are enterprising people like you that make great changes in the world, we've got a starter kit for you: A Guide to Planning and Hosting CFNM Parties
If there are additional questions about CFNM not published on this website, please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org